Does anyone know Beaconsfield ?

Post by **DixieDean** » 12 Apr 2006, 10:01

This thread just gets better and better and better

Post by **murf** » 12 Apr 2006, 10:07

Just make sure that if she suggests involving her mate Tracy then try and get out of it. She was a right minger from memory.

Post by **Karrde** » 12 Apr 2006, 10:35

And did you whip the camera phone out and snap her for our assessment?

Post by **The Bear** » 12 Apr 2006, 10:43

I dropped my phone in the bath a couple of weeks ago and im on a spare while Carphonewarehouse are trying to mend it! Shes gone to Bournemouth for a couple of days (shes a school councillor!!) but when she comes back shes going to email a picture of herself in a basque!

Given that shes a total nymph , ill check that she doesnt mind my mates of Fiso checking her out lol

Post by **Karrde** » 12 Apr 2006, 10:46

The Bear wrote:when she comes back shes going to email a picture of herself in a basque!
Given that shes a total nymph , ill check that she doesnt mind my mates of Fiso checking her out lol

Hats off to you chief!

A right royal score!!!

Post by **DixieDean** » 12 Apr 2006, 10:47

You are a genius

Post by **Billy Whiz** » 12 Apr 2006, 12:31

I just came across this news story on the website of the local paper, The Beaconsfield Bugle:

The sleepy town of Beaconsfield was in shock this morning following an SAS-style raid on its online community forum.
Soon after 8pm three fantasy football hooligans hacked their way into the site, leaving a series of cryptic messages and a bizarre quiz. An emergency meeting of the Parish Council’s “Internet Community Forum” Sub-Committee has been called and is debating the crisis as we go to press.

However, The Bugle can reveal that the prime suspects are Dixie Dean, a former DJ named after the legendary Everton player, and a second-hand car dealer called Tricky Tree, whose name is thought to be an obscure reference to Nottingham Forest football club. A third member of the gang, Billy Whiz, was caught posting the quiz and has since been deactivated.

Dean and Tree were last seen making their getaway in a stolen Mazda MX5.

Cllr Ted Dingle, who runs the forum, said: “I was looking forward to a quiet evening browsing the forum when all of a sudden these football louts burst in. Haven’t they got anything better to do? That’s the trouble with kids these days. I blame the parents. When I were a lad …” (You can read Cllr Dingle’s reaction in full on pages 2,3,4,5 and centre pages.)

Meanwhile Cllr Betty Baldwin, who has been mayoress of Beaconsfield since 1957, said: “I think it’s absolutely disgraceful. And what in heaven’s name is an ‘internet forum’ anyway?”

STOP PRESS A Bristol man in a bearskin suit and a professional woman were seen behaving in a suspicious manner last night outside The Easy Lay pub on the village green. Witnesses are asked to contact Sgt Bates, who is studying explicit CCTV footage of the pair in the privacy of his own home.

Post by **Bunners** » 12 Apr 2006, 13:21

Bunners wrote:
DixieDean wrote:Can you find out if she has a sister???...

Sounds like a hot date... good luck
more like a god damn guarentee to me, those are the women to know

As I said the best sort to know, now has she got any mates around 25/30 preferably 36EE, if you could find out for me bear thatd be excellent

Post by **DixieDean** » 12 Apr 2006, 18:19

having to post from a secret location... the MX5 broke down almost immediately (crap car)... it's lucky we have Tricky's laptop otherwise we'd be bigger... just outside Beaconsfiled now.. we know the address of a safe house sent to us by MI5... Two local girls live there apparently and are very accomodating... speak soon... dixie

Post by **Auspicious** » 12 Apr 2006, 18:33

Class Billy Whizz

Post by **The Bear** » 12 Apr 2006, 18:54

STOP PRESS A Bristol man in a bearskin suit and a professional woman were seen behaving in a suspicious manner last night outside The Easy Lay pub on the village green. Witnesses are asked to contact Sgt Bates, who is studying explicit CCTV footage of the pair in the privacy of his own home.

How did you know the Royal Saracens Head pub was near a village green lol
Tell you what - im going to need another women to help me out with this girl - im still knackered from last night

Post by **DixieDean** » 12 Apr 2006, 19:06

... --- ...

..... help ..... please ..... they're all over us....... 36EE...... my ears are hurting...... oh no...... code red....... say goodbye to the family for me............................................................................................

Post by **Rookster** » 12 Apr 2006, 19:29

Sorry to be boring, but in answer to the first post, I know a little bit about Beaconsfield. Whilst it appears to be a quiet little vilage, it actually has one of the highest burglary rates per head in the country and car crime is also rife. According to some mates of mine, it's best not to park your car in pub or hotel car parks.

I also heard of some scam whereby some large breasted bird keeps gullible west country folk busy, whilst the boys carry out the crimes. She has been known to phone her associates from ladies loos on her mobile..... Bear Beware

Post by **paisleypark** » 12 Apr 2006, 19:51

I thought Bear traps were illegal in this country

Post by **NFG** » 16 Apr 2006, 11:45

I've only just noticed this thread, as I was on holiday last week.

I used to know Beaconsfield quite well, and regularly drank in the Saracens Head. I used to live 4 miles from there.There's a cracking Italian Restaurant just across the road, La Lanterna's, where I had my wedding reception 18 years ago.
A bit pricey but well worth it.

My dad used to work for Beaconsfield District Council many years ago.

Can't say that I know anyone there with large breasts though.

Post by **The Bear** » 16 Apr 2006, 14:21

Final update - everything was going well with her and then suddenly text this morning from her!
Im afraid i cant see you again - ive decided to start seeing a guy ive fancied from dancing for months

Must admit im gutted - best date ive had in a year and was looking forward to alot of fun in and out of bed

- suddenly being a single guy doesnt seem so rosy

Post by **el_pappje** » 16 Apr 2006, 14:39

I take it she didn't email you the photo of her in the basque then?

Post by **The Bear** » 16 Apr 2006, 16:15

Dont its just nightmare ! She wanted to meetup on friday but it was difficult for me(but I could have made it!) ! Honestly thought it was in the bag the way she was acting with me + plus not having sorted out my new phone at the the time meant i had to tell her to email picture rather than text it over at the time!

Post by **Billy Whiz** » 16 Apr 2006, 16:37

Who else thinks Bear made the whole thing up?

Post by **primitive man** » 16 Apr 2006, 17:54

Tough but you'll have to admit it - you've been taken for a ride!

Sometimes the woman is the hunter.
I think you'll just have to grin and bear it!!!

Pity about the photo tho'.

Post by **The Bear** » 16 Apr 2006, 22:59

Billy Whiz wrote:Who else thinks Bear made the whole thing up?

I was beginning to warm to you Billy but im not in the best mood for that comment!

Post by **Karrde** » 16 Apr 2006, 23:29

The Bear wrote:Final update...

Tough break mate. Dont take too long to get back in the saddle again though. There are plenty more lasses who need a Bear attack.

Post by **Groomyd** » 17 Apr 2006, 08:44

Trip to St Andrews?

Post by **The Bear** » 18 Apr 2006, 14:36

Spoke to her on monday and the bottom line is im too far away from her and not in the position to "sort her out " every night which it seems she basically needs!! Some tusser down her dance club is seemingly in the position to do that

Unfortunately i took a great night of passion as a big plus - i get the impression she only has "good sex" so another session with "The Bear" isnt a necessity

Groomyd - unfortunately 21 year old students girls at St Andrews are nearly as big a head eff as this girl in High Wycombe!

Post by **murf** » 18 Apr 2006, 14:51

Sounds to me like you are about ready to get loved up and become a one woman Bear......

Post by **leeloo** » 18 Apr 2006, 17:02

Hold on, she's shagging a dancer? I didn't realise there were any heterosexual dancers in the world - or perhaps that's the line they spin to get the women into bed.

I can see an Andrew Lloyd Webber song coming on :

"One Night in Beaconsfield and my heart was broken"

Gutted about the photo.

Post by **leeloo** » 18 Apr 2006, 17:03

Karrde wrote:a Bear attack.

Last time I had one of them, the toilet stank for a week.

Post by **The Bear** » 18 Apr 2006, 17:23

[quote="leeloo"]Hold on, she's shagging a dancer? I didn't realise there were any heterosexual dancers in the world - or perhaps that's the line they spin to get the women into bed.

Ask Alphabet man about dancing! Thats where he targets his women lol

Post by **Karrde** » 18 Apr 2006, 19:48

leeloo wrote:
Karrde wrote:a Bear attack.
Last time I had one of them, the toilet stank for a week.

Ewww. My worst offense was a "9 flusher"

Post by **The Bear** » 30 Apr 2006, 13:15

I thought after 3 weeks grace id send a text saying "hello" and "asking whether we were still friends" - i got back a text saying
"I don't think a one nite stand makes us friends! X "

Ive never been treated like this

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Does anyone know Beaconsfield ?