Ask Uncle Beerfuelled....

[murf]

Uncle Beefuelled, my name's adidasandahalf and I want to know if drinking BabyBio will have the same effect on me as it does plants?

don't need anymore pubes to shave off ta

Did miracle gro work in your pants Da?

Aye, that's me 5 inches now fully-extended.

3" growth,
Better get me some,double figures would be great

Buying 3 lots won't work like that.

[viddleodge]

Dear Uncle BFM
Why is it I can prick my finger but I can't finger my prick?

Knitting needle

keep yer disgusting habits in the l&f forum, mate.

[Beerfuelledman]

Dear Uncle BFM
Why is it I can prick my finger but I can't finger my prick?

Dear Schlock,

Just because quizzes are quizzical, doesn't mean tests are testical.

Unc BFM.

[Beerfuelledman]

Uncle Beerfuelled, I've got a friend called adidasandahalf who wants to know if drinking BabyBio will have the same effect on him as it does plants?

Dear Yoda,

No it will not have the same effect. In fact it may have potentially the opposite effect, i.e. rather than making him grow, it could make him die.

Unc BFM.

[Yer Old Da]

Uncle Beerfuelled, I've got a friend called adidasandahalf who wants to know if drinking BabyBio will have the same effect on him as it does plants?

Dear Yoda,

No it will not have the same effect. In fact it may have potentially the opposite effect, i.e. rather than making him grow, it could make him die.

Unc BFM.

Thanks ever.

[viddleodge]

dear ubf,

will there be a through the a-hole comp in 08 ?

[Adidasandahalf]

Dear UBF,

On a recent trip to meet up with a few lads(whom i'd never met before),
I was welcomed by these individuals like I was there brother.

After many drinks I was told I was a bonafide member of their group.

This group I might add don't get along with everyone.
They are not nasty or anything like that,
It's just their views are not the same as some older (boring) farts.

They have been called bullies,which was way over the top.
But non the less some fat kids may have found this distressing and taken a vacation to Bridgend.

Now my question is,

What colour should I have adidasandahalf aka wee-man in?

[Schlock]

Dear Uncle BFM,
If adidasandahalf was to wear a suit what would be apt?
A Badger or a gerbil?
Christ he couldn't wear a gorilla suit as he wouldn't be able to fill it

[Adidasandahalf]

Dear Uncle BFM,
If adidasandahalf was to wear a suit what would be apt?
A Badger or a gerbil?
Christ he couldn't wear a gorilla suit as he wouldn't be able to fill it

Bet I could fill out the bottom half

[Schlock]

Dear Uncle BFM,
If adidasandahalf was to wear a suit what would be apt?
A Badger or a gerbil?
Christ he couldn't wear a gorilla suit as he wouldn't be able to fill it

Bet I could fill out the bottom half

bottom half of which leg?

[murf]

Dear Uncle BFM,
If adidasandahalf was to wear a suit what would be apt?
A Badger or a gerbil?
Christ he couldn't wear a gorilla suit as he wouldn't be able to fill it

Bet I could fill out the bottom half

bottom half of which leg?

He could lay along the codpiece

[Schlock]

Dear Uncle BFM,
If adidasandahalf was to wear a suit what would be apt?
A Badger or a gerbil?
Christ he couldn't wear a gorilla suit as he wouldn't be able to fill it

Bet I could fill out the bottom half

bottom half of which leg?

He could lay along the codpiece

Had your sheep suit dry cleaned lately murf?
A bird shat on mine & I need a good dry cleaner

[murf]

Had your sheep suit dry cleaned lately murf?
A bird shat on mine & I need a good dry cleaner

I just get it cut once a year then it grows back clean.

[Adidasandahalf]

Dear Uncle BFM,
If adidasandahalf was to wear a suit what would be apt?
A Badger or a gerbil?
Christ he couldn't wear a gorilla suit as he wouldn't be able to fill it

Bet I could fill out the bottom half

bottom half of which leg?

Left,
it's not half as comfortable hanging to the right

[Schlock]

Dear Uncle BFM,
If adidasandahalf was to wear a suit what would be apt?
A Badger or a gerbil?
Christ he couldn't wear a gorilla suit as he wouldn't be able to fill it

Bet I could fill out the bottom half

bottom half of which leg?

Left,
it's not half as comfortable hanging to the right

Jane carries mine 3 ft behind me on a cart

[Schlock]

Had your sheep suit dry cleaned lately murf?
A bird shat on mine & I need a good dry cleaner

I just get it cut once a year then it grows back clean.

I hope your shearer was none of these guys

[Beerfuelledman]

Dear UBF,

On a recent trip to meet up with a few lads(whom i'd never met before),
I was welcomed by these individuals like I was there brother.

After many drinks I was told I was a bonafide member of their group.

This group I might add don't get along with everyone.
They are not nasty or anything like that,
It's just their views are not the same as some older (boring) farts.

They have been called bullies,which was way over the top.
But non the less some fat kids may have found this distressing and taken a vacation to Bridgend.

Now my question is,

What colour should I have adidasandahalf aka wee-man in?

Dear Ad.5,

Whilst there is such a thing as a 'Night Rider' I think adidasandahalf's wee-man would be most comfortable in a regulation fleshy pink colour, correctly sized for maximum protection.

Unc BFM

[Beerfuelledman]

Dear Uncle BFM,
If adidasandahalf was to wear a suit what would be apt?
A Badger or a gerbil?
Christ he couldn't wear a gorilla suit as he wouldn't be able to fill it

Dear Schlock,

What would be apt would be approaching a tailor, who could fit him properly in whichever colour/material suited him ofr the occasion.

Unc BFM

[slarty]

... would be most comfortable in a regulation fleshy pink colour, correctly sized for maximum protection.

Unc BFM

I was astounded when I read this

You see I also had a window open on the B&Q site and had just asked the wife which anti-fungal wallpaper she wanted in the kitchen, and she replied, "I think it would be most comfortable..."

Oh how we laughed


PPS Giggle incontinence is no joke

[viddleodge]

... would be most comfortable in a regulation fleshy pink colour, correctly sized for maximum protection.

Unc BFM

I was astounded when I read this

You see I also had a window open on the B&Q site and had just asked the wife which anti-fungal wallpaper she wanted in the kitchen, and she replied, "I think it would be most comfortable..."

Oh how we laughed


PPS Giggle incontinence is no joke

dear slarty,

you could always just smear athletes foot cream on the walls and not be muckin around with those pesky rolls of paper. but uncy beer will know best.

cheers,
cousin vidd.

[slarty]

Dear cousin vidd

Whilst I admire your lateral thinking, there are just a few problems with the athletes foot cream idea:

1) This is Glasgow and there is a distinct shortage of athletes, and of athletes feet, doubly so

2) This is Glasgow and there is a distinct shortage of athletes, and of athletes feet, doubly so

3) I lost the recipe great uncle Jock von Strapp smuggled out of Austria on the inside of his governess's gimp mask after I went on a particularly enjoyable visit to the city farm

Do you have one? Even better, do you have the recipe?

cousin/uncle/brother-in-law slarty

[darkspidey]

87% of Somalis in the U.K dont work, annoying as its only 78% in Somalia. Should they be forced to work with the druggies!

[Schlock]

Dear Uncle BFM,
Fantasy Farting
Would you get minus points for shitting yourself & bonus points for a clean break?

Schlocky

[Adidasandahalf]

Dear Uncle BFM,
Fantasy Farting
Would you get minus points for shitting yourself & bonus points for a clean break?

Schlocky

Surely a clean break constitutes a clean sheet of bog roll?
6 points then

[viddleodge]

Dear Uncle BFM,
Fantasy Farting
Would you get minus points for shitting yourself & bonus points for a clean break?

Schlocky

Surely a clean break constitutes a clean sheet of bog roll?
6 points then

how would one know it was a clean break without using at least 1 wad of bog roll?

surely a puzzler for the uncle methinks.

[slarty]

How about a clean break combined with a ghost shite?

Are we opening a can of worms here?

[M-boy]

Dear Uncle Beerfuelled,

What's her name?

[Beerfuelledman]

Angelina

[M-boy]

[Beerfuelledman]

Dear Auntie FISO

Uncle BFM has a lower understanding of women than he would like to perform his role. Can you assist?