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DIY - Split from Fantasy Cricket

A forum for general discussion on Do It Yourself (DIY) subjects and topics
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banana
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DIY - Split from Fantasy Cricket

Post by banana »

well! this is a bummer! :( me and mrs b have to go to my auntie's 2day and we're going to stay the night. it means that i won't have time to do squid news. :cry:

auntie has taken delivery of an eff-off mega flat-screen plasma tv which has to be wall mounted. she wants everything sorted so i'ts all good to go b4 the freaking olympics start. :evil: ... god help :roll: ... anyway this means i'm going to have put up wall brackets - and that's going to take me all afternoon. :evil:

the one good thing is that auntie will buy us supper from cefn glas chip shop 2nite. i luuuuurve the food from that place and they do an 'irish' curry sauce which is lush. :D

anyways. i'm going to be really pushed to get home in time to do tfrs 2moro morning soooooo.... if any1 can post some squid news i'll be mega-grateful. it'll save me having to muck about.

luv ya all!! xxx

Ducks Deluxe
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Re: TFC 2016 - July to Sept - team news and chat

Post by Ducks Deluxe »

'Nana..... You shouldn't have made such a fine job of her garage door!

Just too kind....too clever..... too handsome....... Lucky old Mrs 'Nana......and Aunty 'Nana!


DD. x

getfunky
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Re: TFC 2016 - July to Sept - team news and chat

Post by getfunky »

Wood's back in action I see. He could be handy to have towards the end of the season.
Doogal wrote:The trick is to be totally incompetent at things like that - they never ask you to do any DIY again.
are you suggesting he leaves a few screws out so the mega-sized plasma tv comes crashing to the floor & he's never asked to do any DIY again? how cunning of you.

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Doogal
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Re: TFC 2016 - July to Sept - team news and chat

Post by Doogal »

getfunky wrote:Wood's back in action I see. He could be handy to have towards the end of the season.
Doogal wrote:The trick is to be totally incompetent at things like that - they never ask you to do any DIY again.
are you suggesting he leaves a few screws out so the mega-sized plasma tv comes crashing to the floor & he's never asked to do any DIY again? how cunning of you.
Yes indeed. I once put up a loft ladder for a relative, finished it off neatly, then found it was somehow back to front and you couldn't climb it. The professional they then hired to put it right was heard muttering 'what kind of effing cowboy did this?' Perfect - my reputation was established and they steer clear of me for anything more than chnaging a plug (and even that I can mess up).

Striker
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Re: TFC 2016 - July to Sept - team news and chat

Post by Striker »

Doogal wrote:I once put up a loft ladder for a relative, finished it off neatly, then found it was somehow back to front and you couldn't climb it. The professional they then hired to put it right was heard muttering 'what kind of effing cowboy did this?' Perfect - my reputation was established and they steer clear of me for anything more than chnaging a plug (and even that I can mess up).
I'd never realised what a wise man you are, Doogal.

I had a bit of help as a child to work out that strategy. Initially I tried to be helpful with certain jobs as a child, but my one year younger brother was better at some jobs than me. Consequently he tended to be preferred allowing me to get on with something more interesting. When a few years later I learned that a significant factor was that standard equipment for some tasks is essentially designed for right handers, and that certain left handed widgets improved my performance, I never let on. And except in crises, I've adopted the incompetent strategy ever since.

Ducks Deluxe
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Re: TFC 2016 - July to Sept - team news and chat

Post by Ducks Deluxe »

Super detailed team news,KC.....'Nana will send you a virtual hug,I am sure!

No Bop is going to be a big blow to many,including my battered old efforts....

Regarding scary old DIY.....if it involves electricity or water I simply won't touch it.....much to Her Nibs' disbelief and disappointment.....

Oh,I got a reply from Tele Towers....more later when I have some time...

DD.

banana
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Re: TFC 2016 - July to Sept - team news and chat

Post by banana »

Ducks Deluxe wrote:Super detailed team news,KC.....'Nana will send you a virtual hug,I am sure!
absolutely ... and to doogal as well xx

well... what a week i've had. :|

mrs b and i went up to auntie's as planned on wednesday. i had no idea that members of the public could buy tv sets as big as this... anyway we had lunch and then i sprung into action. :)

auntie had decided that she wanted the leviathan to be mounted above her mantlepiece. being a perfectionist, i decided that the top edge of the screen should be at the same level as the tops of the door frames which lead into auntie's living room. ... and that, at normal setting, its centre should be directly inline with the centre of the afore mentioned mantlepiece ... and gas fire below.

i got my measuring tape out and measured across the mantlepiece to get my verticle centres... and then i measured down from the ceiling to get my horizontal centres.

having marked everything out with my carpenter's pencil 8-) i then began drilling. with the holes in place i popped in the rawl plugs and screwed in the tv mounting bracket. :)

at this point fate dealt me a toooootal ace. auntie's next door neighbour is helen ... and she is a real hottie. she and her husband moved in in 1988. i was 21 and she was 30. quite frankly i fancied the ass off her .... and from then on we have enjoyed one of those flirty relationships that you can't tell any1 about... but it exists all the same. :twisted:

anyways, as i was finishing off the work... lo & behold it was the doorbell and in came helen to check up on auntie. i thanked my lucky stars that i had had my abdomen waxed on sunday and a nice spray tan applied so that helen could see my manly perspiration glistening on my smooth, tanned chest. also i was wearing my rugby shorts which show off my athletic legs. :D

ta-da!! with the fixings now finished, i tensed my back muscles and mounted the ginormous tv set on the wall - .... flashing my v best cheeky smile 8-) at helen while, in the corner of my eye, i saw mrs b pretending to stick her finger down her throat and do a theatrical vomit. :evil:

i wiggled the tv screen around ... and sure enough it was rock solid and puuuurrrrfect! however, when i turned around.... instead of the round of applause i expected i received something altogether more muted. mrs b, helen and auntie were looking at my masterpiece and didn't seem too impressed. :? :o

i climbed down from my ladder and took a look. it was uber skew-wiff. the bottom left hand corner was a good cm higher above the mantlepiece than the right. it may not sound much but it was sticking out like a sore thumb.

none of us could figure out what had gone wrong, so helen went to fetch her husband.

her husband is called peter and he is a recently retired school-teacher. he is a typical welsh boyo. ... altho short on intelligence he more than makes up for it by being self-confident and 'handy'. ... this is a man who didn't just graduate from 'man-school' ... he was headboy. :evil:

gung-ho and pleased with himself, peter arrived on the scene. ... perma-tan & mullet. check shirt neatly tucked into his freshly ironed blue jeans. playfully ruffling my hair. :evil: he asked me to explain what i had done. when i told him that i had taken my horizontal measurements from the ceiling he gave an avuncular guffaw and then said that i should have used a spirit-level. ... no problem. he had one. and he'd lend it to me. while mrs b, helen and auntie watched... i trailed off, testicles shrivelling, behind peter perfect to his garage.

peter's garage!!!! talk about a place for everything and everything in its place! :o

i thought that when men retired they just filled the tedium with golf and/or masturbation. ... not peter. nor sir!! he has created a military academy for graduates of the b&q diy dept. there is no job around the house that this man does not have the correct tool for. after giving me a guided tour of his 144 piece screw driver set, peter presented me with his gleaming, gun-metal grey spirit-level.

as i took hold of this symbol of masculine capability... he gave me a friendly man-slap on the shoulder which sent me staggering out of his garage and back into the bryntirion sunshine.

back at auntie's, i checked out the ceiling with peter's spirit-level. inevetiably he was right and it was indeed a bit bowed. in silence i removed some of the screws from the tv bracket... marked out new screw points with my stupid carpenter's pencil ... fitted the rawl plugs and then stuck in the screws.

bingo. freakin' perfect :evil: :evil:

so there you go. auntie is now v happy and we had a lovely fish supper with tip-top irish curry sauce. i didn't return the spirit-level either. this morning i accidently, on purpose stuck it under the wheels of my vauxhall agila and ran over it repeatedly until it was mush on auntie's driveway.... .... just don't tell peter. :twisted:

getfunky
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Re: TFC 2016 - July to Sept - team news and chat

Post by getfunky »

:lol: you should have your own blog

ooozzzie
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Re: TFC 2016 - July to Sept - team news and chat

Post by ooozzzie »

:lol:

Ducks Deluxe
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Re: TFC 2016 - July to Sept - team news and chat

Post by Ducks Deluxe »

Adrian Mole.....eat yer heart out!

Totally outstanding work..in all ways.. young 'Nana!

Incidently,I was fighting with the damned site ( a story for another day....grr..) to find out what sort of rubbish was going on with my century leagues.....( don't ask.....grrr..) and I stumbled across the rich folks Uber Duber leagues....... Incredible placings for our favourite celebrity fruity couple....... I am in awe.....no better folk....xxx

DD...

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