Phew, that was close!

Nevermind, a win's a win.

Gameweek 26 Fixtures:

Brighton & Hove Albion v Southampton

Southampton travel up the coast fresh from their excellent win over the league leaders. Brighton should be there for the taking, though the promotion of in-form BravoT to captain should inspire the Seagulls...Prediction 1-2

Crystal Palace v Hull City

Mid-table starts for these two, but they are both coming off good wins last week against Villa and Forest respectively. Palace's performance was especially pleasing and home turf should give them the edge. Palace are unchanged, Hull welcome back perivar for shm...Prediction 3-2

Derby v Man Utd

Derby remain bottom, but there were certainly green shoots of recovery in their display against Arsenal last time out. United make three changes, hif, bert and sbg come in to try to add some sparkle...prediction 1-1

Ipswich Town v Everton

Ipswich's progress was halted last week by Southampton, but this week, back at home, they'll be confident of overcoming an Everton team lacking cohesion and discipline. Bunners is banned after his assault on Julie and is replaced by Scottoffee. Ipswich rest WHATEVER for blahblah...prediction 3-1

Liverpool v West Ham

This could go either way. Liverpool and West Ham have identical scoring records though the Londoners have managed 3 wins to Liverpool's 1. The Scousers welcome back Krispy and redrum and Grob takes the armband from the broken-nosed Mintman. The hammers have Hammered back in defence...prediction 2-1

Nottingham Forest v Newcastle Utd

17th plays 16th in a game that could spell near disaster for the losers. These two teams are always struggling in this league, though Forest do have some silverware to show for their efforts! Spudder replaces the broken-wristed URKiddingme for The Toon...prediction 2-1

Portsmouth v Aston Villal

Game of the week. Portsmouth in second, host the suffering Champions Villa. Portsmouth cruised past Leeds in ominous form last week, whereas Villa found Palace too strong. A trip to Portsmouth is not what the doctor would have ordered. The out of form TheTon is benched in favour of Spinynorman...prediction 3-2

Rangers v Arsenal

Two teams at opposite ends on the table, but surprisingly it's Arsenal in 3rd and Rangers 2nd bottom. Rangers lose AMc to illness so barry is back, though he appeared to be limping during training this week! Arsenal travel north hopefully, DixieDean raplacing atx...prediction 2-2

Stoke City v Leeds Utd

Only one place separates these two, but Stoke will be confident of victory. They played superbly at Chelsea while Leeds were hopeless in losing to Portsmouth. Stoke are unchanged but Leeds bring in Andybarrell for Surprised...prediction 3-1

Tottenham v Chelsea

Two London clubs on the up, 4th place Chelsea travel across town to White Hart Lane to play 5th place Spurs. Chelsea put up the performance of the week last week and are still unbeaten. Spurs were unlucky only taking a point from Old Trafford. Both teams will hope for a win, but a draw seems more likely. The only change is for the home team, RememberTheTitans being replaced by Jeffersdn! That can't be right can it?...prediction 2-2

RememberTheTitans being replaced by Jeffersdn!....

League Cup Round 2 Draw

Highlights include Liverpool traveling to Manchester United, and West Ham v Newcastle, but it'll be tough for the Bournemouth giant-killer, visiting Leeds.

Haven't been on the bench for a while so I suppose I'm due a rest. It's also quite handy as I'm at the High Court this week trying to obtain an injunction.

You useless buffoons!!!

Are you also shaking your fist at them perchance?

Obviously

I shall be practicing my shouting this week so I can go from bench to captaincy.

I run my arse off, Barb and Twiggy even bought me a beer afterwards

Gameweek 26 Results:

Brighton & Hove Albion 2 - 2 Southampton

If Brighton have learned one thing in this league, it is how to scap. They were never on top, but were always dangerous on the break. Ironfist and albionjulie leveled twice after goals form JD007 and DrBunker seemed to have won the game for Southampton. A good game considering the poor conditions...Motm JD007

Crystal Palace 2 - 2 Hull City

A great game, played at pace with no little skill. perivar dominated the midfield setting up both goals for Abumies, but Palace came back in the second half and grabbed a point with two late goals from bluelionman and jn77...Motm perivar

Derby 2 - 1 Man Utd

The Rams were celebrating their first win in the top flight after a deserved 2-1 win. Not much in it to be honest, but UEM tripped jOnners in the area late on, and the writing
was on the wall...Motm SgB

Ipswich Town 0 - 2 Everton

It's two defeats in a row for Ipswich now and their early-season optimism is replaced by the usual concerns about lack of quality and concentration. This was an awful performance from the league leaders, their new signing Tacalabala looked particularly off the pace. Everton are up to sixth now and just a point behind the five teams sharing the lead...Motm djnuttie

Liverpool 0 - 1 West Ham

Terrible Liverpool slumped to another defeat and are sitting just in front of the bottom three. They'll need to do something fast as this wasn't good enough. redrum saw red for fighting with his team-mate Sasquatch. West Ham easily took advantage of their extra two men and settled for a one goal superiority. they are now joint top...Motm Hammered

Nottingham Forest 1 - 1 Newcastle Utd

Neither of these two deserved more than a point. Newcastle were the better team, Spudder the Motm.

Portsmouth 1 - 1 Aston Villal

Quite a disappointing game on the south coast where the Champions still looked a player short. despite Colbert's heroics they couldn't break down an organized Pompey defence. A frattonender own goal gave Villa hope but they could only look in shock as Spinynorman mis-kicked in their area to level things...Motm Colbert

Rangers 1 - 1 Arsenal

Momentous times for these two clubs. Rangers are now bottom of the pile, Arsenal second! Rangers tried every trick in the book to win this and came so close, Jeffers goal-bound effort cleared off the line in the dying seconds by Motm...DanCaek

Stoke City 2 - 1 Leeds Utd

Leeds now find themselves in 18th place after yet another awful display. After realizing that they had no chance of actually scoring a second goal they decided to park the bus. Unfortunately, andybarrell thought stamping on Karrde in the area was going unseen, but the fourth official spotted it and a penalty was given, converted by Suzykins...Motm Suzykins

Tottenham 1 - 1 Chelsea

Such an odd decision to play jeffersdn, when RTT was fit, and it very nearly back-fired on Spurs. Chelsea played much the better of the two teams, no stars in this line-up, but much team-work and confidence. Third spot for Chelsea now, Spurs need to get back to winning ways soon...Motm bagpuss

Come on the Rams Fantasy imitating reality?!

the Toon missing my 65 points. guys, i'm transfer hits-free for the rest of the season. take me back pls.

Villa are a shambles at the minute, we need a training camp in warmer climes to sooth our minds. Christmas celebrations have gone on for too long now

League Cup Round 2 Results:



Round 3 draw today...

As usual, do well in the cup competition & cr*p in the league.

Too much planning is going into getting into the final just so we can get to stay in a decent hotel the night before. Perhaps a slight change on emphasis should be brought into our team talks.

Week 27 Fixtures

Arsenal v Brighton

Second place Arsenal host second bottom Brighton. Arsenal change their whole team except for captain Dan, Brighton hand the armband back to Ironfist hoping for a change of luck...prediction 2-1

Aston Villa v Ipswich

This could be a vital game for both teams. Ipswich try to put a stop to their run of defeats to show their start wasn't a fluke. They welcome back WHATEVER as captain. Villa bring in TheTon as they hope to kick-start their season...prediction 2-0

Chelsea v Rangers

Hard to believe Rangers were the pre-season favourites, sitting as they do, on the bottom of the pile. Chelsea have picked up the pace this season and will be hard to beat with 5 long bones back between the posts...prediction 3-1

Everton v Portsmouth

A great game in store here, just the one defeat between these teams and the winners could be top. Both teams are unchanged... prediction 2-2

Hull v Liverpool

Hull have been playing well but leaking goals. Liverpool have been playing badly and ring the changes yet again. Mintman back alongside gchappie in the midfield but this will be tough...prediction 2-1

Leeds v Crystal Palace

Palace change their captain, Carlos the Finger gets the honour on this trip north. Neither team is scoring well, GM and greebynog back for Leeds as they attempt to pull away from the relegation area...prediction 1-1

Man Utd v Stoke

13th plays 12th. Stoke drop the injured Karrde, still struggling after the assault by dirty Leeds, United are surprisingly unchanged...prediction 2-1

Newcastle Utd v Tottenham

Spurs bring back RememberTheTitans after their hiccup last week, jeffersdn dropped. Newcastle have the sun-tanned URkiddingMe and the overweight Jaybrent Allsters back...prediction 1-2

Southampton v Nottingham Forestl

Southampton are scoring well, their captain JD007 looking particularly sharp. Forest will need to be on top form...prediction 2-0

West Ham Utd v Derby

The party went on late into the night, but Derby will need to be fresh and ready for this tricky trip to the East End of London. The hammers are hard to beat, and with new captain Hammered in control things won't be getting easier...prediction 2-1

League Cup Round Three draw:

Good draw for the holders, Everton.

I'm carrying a 'knock', which basically translates as I'm having a p-poor February

it seems Newcastle will win if Valencia has a stormer as he's the differential in all four teams. great minds think alike huh?

Week 27 Results

Arsenal 4 - 2 Brighton

As expected, Arsenal were able to change their team and still win at a canter. This win has put them on top of the league and dumped Brighton at the bottom. Again it was captain DanCaek leading the way, but the team were strong from front to back...Motm DanCaek

Aston Villa 2 - 2 Ipswich

Ipswich came to Villa Park hoping to get one over the defending champions, but their captain WHATEVER wasn't in the mood and the best they could hope for was a draw. An own-goal from TheTon gave the visitors the lead but Stick and gazwood scored twice in the second half before Jim Royal slammed home a late equalizer...Motm Jim Royal

Chelsea 3 - 3 Rangers

A terrific game, with play flowing from end to end. barry was yet again, a shadow of his former self, but in captain Maureenho, Rangers have a man for occasions like this. His late free-kick goal grabbing a point when it looked as if Chelsea had done enough...Motm Maureenho

Everton 3 - 2 Portsmouth

Portsmouth are knocked from the top and are pushed down to 7th place! Everton up to 4th after this great win. Scottoffee and Newb0rn combined late on to score the winner after both teams looked like settling for the draw...Motm Scottoffee

Hull 4 - 2 Liverpool

Hull have found their shooting boots again. Liverpool need to fix the holes blasted in it by Abumies and co. The Hull captain is in a league of his own, mesmerising the hapless Grob time and again. His hat-trick put them 3 up and a fourth was added by Discogod, his first of the season. In all the mayhem it almost went unnoticed that Krispy was the outstanding player on the pitch. His two goals and Motm performance not enough of this occasion.

Leeds 3 - 2 Crystal Palace

This was a better game than we'd expected. Leeds played to their strengths, hitting and hoping, and scored at will. Palace weren't expecting a tough game and they looked surprised to be down by two goals at the break. New captain Carlos pulled theFinger out to get back on terms but a greebynog header wrapped up the points for the home side...Motm greebynog

Man Utd 3 - 1 Stoke

United and Stoke swap places in the table. This game hinged on an amazing performance from Takeshi Kovacs. He seldom makes the bench these days so how he got in the team is a mystery, but there he was scoring a spectacular own goal from 25 yards. He then hacked down Bert. in the area giving away the penalty. His mud-throwing at the official earning him a red card...Motm SgB

Newcastle Utd 2 - 2 Tottenham

Newcastle's winter break in Valencia nearly gained them 3 points here. The training field tricks worked a treat, that was until Jaybrent decided to take an early bath with bagpuss. The 3 v 3 was close but Newcastle couldn't quite do enough...Motm URKiddingMe

Southampton 2 - 1 Nottingham Forestl

Forest slump to 17th as Southampton climb into the top 4. Not vintage Saints, but good enough to put a woeful Forest side to the sword. DrBunker and JD007 scoring the goals, despite freckles taking the Motm award.

West Ham Utd 4 - 1 Derby

Derby have come to earth with a bump. They were ripped apart by West Ham, even Mercer scoring to make his point. Derby were poor and not ready for this at all. Their -9 goal difference is telling. The Hammers are joint top, London looking the strength in depth city at present...Motm Mercer

League Cup Round 3 Results

Home side win all the ties. No non-league teams left. Everton, the holders through to the Quarters...

Deja vu.

Gameweek 28 Fixtures:

Brighton & Hove Albion v West Ham

Bottom plays top in this David v Goliath match on the South Coast. Brighton seem to have packed up for their holidays early, whereas the Hammers are flying. Keeping the same team that thrashed Derby, they'll be trying to push on this week...prediction 1-2

Crystal Palace v Newcastle

Palace were turned over at Leeds last week and will want to get back on track against a poor Newcastle side who seem happier earning one point than three...prdiction 2-1

Derby v Aston Villa

This isn't getting any easier for our new boys. After last weeks lesson by West Ham, the Champions come calling. Villa have yet to fire this season, and replace the mis-firing theTon with Spinynorman...prediction 1-1

Ipswich Town v Arsenal

What a great game in prospect, table-topping Gunners visit the new power, a slightly fading new power mind you. Arsenal bring in Dixie Dean while Ipswich ring the changes, replacing the disappointing WHATEVER with flyingkillercob as captain...prediction 1-2

Liverpool v Chelsea

I can only see this going one way. Liverpool are not performing. Chelsea decide to keep the same team that were so impressive against Rangers and will hope to shake those above them...prediction 0-1

Nottingham Forest v Man Utdl

Forest were terrible last week and this game will test them. United looked very good in overpowering Stoke, and now bring back Bob Newhart for Bert...prediction 0-2

Portsmouth v Southampton

This is the big game for these two. Yet again they are both having a good season, Portsmouth were knocked off top spot last week and Southampton find themselves one point ahead. Portsmouth are narrow favourites but I fancy a draw...prediction 1-1

Rangers v Hull City

Rangers showed hugely improved form last week, but they'll need to be on top form again as Hull come visiting. Hull destroyed Liverpool, their captain Abumies is looking like the player of the season-elect. Both teams unchanged... prediction 2-2

Stoke v Everton

Stoke need to concentrate on the league, their League Cup run is becoming a distraction. Everton are also flying in the cup, but in the league they are up to 3rd and will hope for another win here. Young Bunners replaces djnuttie for Everton. Stoke ditch Takeshi Kovacs, for good hopefully...prediction 0-2

Tottenham v Leeds

Both teams come into this in rude health. bagpuss's ban opens the door again for jeffersdn, and for Leeds GM is replaced by andybarrell in defence, while Spencer4 is rested for personal reasons, FlaminGalah come in. Draw on the cards...prediction 1-1

I'm sure it goes without saying but am I right in thinking that Pompey will be docked points soon so will in fact be 10 points behind us?

Tottenham - Leeds snowed off or? Spencer?

I'm too busy sending pictures of myself in my all-white pants from the massage table to all your girlfriends to write a preview yet.

League Cup Quarter-Final Draw:

Home tie for the holders, Everton.

ok NICE! I'll PM you her e-mail address right away!