Well there’s no business like snow business as they say, and we’ve had a good four or five inches out here in witch burning country. An ethereal whiteness blankets the grounds, the trees sparkle in the sun, and the hush is quite heavenly, but, there’s nothing quite like a recalcitrant heating system and a couple of power cuts to dampen the Elbowian spirits, and I have been the subject of much haranguing from the memsahib and others who suggest that it is not unreasonable to expect the heating to work when it’s -7 in the kitchen and we all have icicles dangling off the ends of our noses.

Now, I’ve hardly had a mo to spare what with the cricket starting in the small hours, oodles of footy, the six nations and the Superbowl all to cram into the weekend and I have to tell you it’s not easy to type when your breath continually fogs up your pince nez and your fingers keep sticking to the keys, so I’ll keep this week’s offering brief and hopefully to the point if I might be forgiven.

WEEK 25:

vP or nor vP that is the question, and the answer to that question dear reader is an emphatic yes from nine of my top ten teams. So it was with considerable brio that I bounded down the stairs on Sunday morning anticipating huge leaps forward in the TFF stakes only to find that I’d stayed more or less where I was. In fact several teams (presumably because of a lack of City/ Sunderland defensive coverage) had actually fallen back. Ay, there’s the rub. Does he wear clogs and cycle everywhere? Does he bathe in Bols and have a large collection of outre pornography? Does he gorge on Edam and have an irrational fear of hills? Does he smear his chest in Advocaat on match days and wear a special pair of orange Kalvins? Who knows, but his seven strikes and brace of assists in the last five outings and a colossal 23 points on Saturday make him the go-to guy of all go-to guys and this week’s *** STAR MAN***.

Also worthy of a mention in despatches were Kun with 15, Oxo on 14, Balo with 13, and Rooney, Sess Egg-Nog, Sinclair, Keano, King Zog, Adam Johnson, and not forgetting Liverpool back five with their double dose of defensive diligence on 12.

A quite staqgering SEVEN OGs trickled past various unamused goalkeepers this week, but there’s no need to highlight the culprits is there? Oh, go on then; step up to the guillotine Messrs. Warnock, Dann, Ayala, Neville, Baird, Evans, and Taylor (N). Your name is Mudd.

Week 25’s movers and shakers were Newcastle and Sunderland carrying the flag for Scotland with a bumpers 6 points. Most of the other high flyers had to be content with 4 apart from Chelsea who garnered a paltry 2. The week’s big losers were Stoke who got on the end of some awful decisions and ended up pointless, and whose two cleanys in the last eight outings is becoming a bit of a worry.

NOTES

Beady Eye:

Papa Cisse and Demba Ba form an impressive ready made partnership for the Toon, and it was noticeable and rather surprising that Ba seemed to play in the withdrawn number 10 position whilst his Senegalese sidekick lead the line and managed 6 shots to Ba’s four even though he was on the pitch for a quarter of an hour less. One would have to infer that Cisse is going to get the lion’s share of the chances, and at £5.1M is the cheaper of the two by a smidgeon.

A certain Dutchman obviously grabbed the headlines and yet another (yawn)star man award, but his wingmen Oxo and Walnut were also impressive and were at times unplayable in the wide open spaces of the Emirates. The problems seem to occur when they are in the less capacious confines of the Reebok or the Liberty.

UPDATE:

I am going barmy. It’s official. Never before have I been in such a good position with so many transfers left, and yet my two top two teams keep yo-yoing up and down like a barmaid’s knickers, and all the others seem to stay more or less exactly where they are despite two-for-ones and other not-so-clever strategies, and I can only conclude that everybody else, Fisoers and infidels alike, is doing exactly the same things! Tenacious bustards. To paraphrase Churchill – It is not the beginning of the end, nor the end of the beginning, but it is, perhaps, the end of the end of a dream. Whilst the week’s average of somewhere between 102-109 is laudable enough, leader Andrew Jones racked up an unbelievable 134 points and has I think finally snuffed out any deluded ideas I had of scooping the TFF jackpot. I managed to sneak eight teams into the knock out phase of the divisionals all with about three transfers left so I won’t be losing any sleep over them either.
All in all a thoroughly depressing week and the lachrymose posish as at 7-2-2012 is:

TEAM - - - - - - - - - POS - - - - - - - - - TR

DROSS- - - - - - - - - 3,803 - - - - - - - - ??
D C- - - - - - - - - - 4,031 - - - - - - - - 15
DUFFERS- - - - - - - - 6,525 - - - - - - - - ??

No need to remind you I’m sure that the Mackems take on the Smoggies tonight, but before you go throwing your lot in with O’Shea, Sessegnon & Co it’s worth a look at their difficult fixtures ahead. If you fancy flying a kite this week Bolton v Wigan looks like a possible goalfest, and new boy Marvin Sordell has all the attributes that the Latics defence find so taxing – he’s alive and sighted.

And so, a TFF week which seems to have lasted an eternity, but which was, in fact, just a week draws to an unimpressive close, and I leave you I hope, older, wiser, and richer in spirit.

Kisses on the bottom,

EE

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